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| This antenna gets you swinging on (On)Star |
OnStar is good. I first questioned the value of this system while watching that goofy commercial where OnStar plays a sidekick to Batman, as he was chasing down the Joker.
But after actually using the system and learning about all its offerings, I am very impressed. I was cruising in a press fleet vehicle, wondering how to learn more about OnStar, as I had not been provided with a press kit (I forgot to check the glovebox, where I later found the owner's manual). My good friend and co-pilot, suggested I push that cute little blue button located on the windshield mounted rearview mirror. A few blips and bops and telephone dialing sounds later, I was connected to a real, live person (if you have one of the upgraded packages, which my test ride did). Let's call him Bob. [note: names of OnStar employees have been changed to protect their identities]
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| Pushing OnStar's buttons..go ahead, it'll do you a lot of good. |
Bob was very kind and polite, somewhat more like a down-to-earth concierge than your typical customer service representative. He patiently listened as I explained that I was a journalist, not the vehicle's owner, and that I was trying to learn about OnStar, and he gladly listed for me all the features featured by OnStar. And that is a good list of features. He even included some specific examples of how I might use some of the available services.
Let us have a look at this list of useful OnStar functions.
First we have the all important safety features. OnStar knows when you're in trouble. If you get into an accident, crash sensors tell OnStar you have been involved in a collision, and whether or not the airbags have gone off. In such a case, OnStar will call you and ask if everything is alright. Maybe it was a fender-bender and you are ok; in that case, they can connect you to the local police department, so they can record an incident report, or to your insurance agent, so you can let them know what happened. The OnStar employee can also offer some advice on what to do in an accident situation, a nice service to have if you have had your head rattled and cannot think straight.
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| Web of help from OnStar |
Even more importantly, if you have had a serious accident and when they call you don't respond, perhaps because you are unconscious and can't say, "I am unconscious and unable to respond, please help me," they will send emergency personnel to the scene.
There is also the option of hitting the red safety button, which sends a request for emergency crew to be sent to the accident site.
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| Various sensors in your car can notify OnStar if there has been an accident or if something else is wrong with the car |
And they know where to send the ambulance because OnStar has GPS. They always know where you are and in what direction you are headed. So they can tell you where you are, which is good for those times when you don't know where you are. Then they can give you directions to where you want to go [if you have an upgraded package]. They can help you out even when you are not exactly sure where it is you want...to go.
Let us consider this purely hypothetical example. (It's hypothetical. Really. I knew where I was going the whole time...Stop looking at me like that!). Right. So, my friend realizes I am lost. And, since he has become best friends, much to my newfound jealousy, with that cute little blue button, he again suggests I push it. This time Bob's co-worker, Jill, comes on, all bright and perky at 2 a.m.
In this hypothetical example, the helpful conversation might go something like this:
Andrew: "Hi, I'm somewhere in Santa Barbara, I think, and I'm looking for a Motel 6 near the waterfront to stay the night."
Jill: "Certainly, Mr. Gardner. First, let's get you pointed in the right direction. I have you on [insert road name here] headed North-East; you want to make a U-turn and start heading South-West to reach the waterfront."
A: "Ah, yes, of course."
J: "Ok, Mr. Gardner, now if you'll allow me a moment, I will look up the available Motel 6's in the area...Ok, I have found a location about 2 blocks from the beach ?and for your reference, they actually call it the beachfront area - would you like me to call the hotel and check the availability for you?"
A: "Oh, wow, that would be great!"
J: "What type of room would you like? And smoking or non-smoking?"
A: "Oh. Right. Um, two rooms, non-smoking."
[3 minutes later]
J: "Mr. Gardner, there are two rooms of your specifications that are available, and there is no need to make reservations. Let me get you the directions."
Ok, you get the idea. She gets the directions, and even reminds me that OnStar can record the directions for you, so that you can play them back. And Jill keeps asking to make sure everything is ok and whether there is anything else she could do. Perhaps a bedtime story when I get to the motel? Maybe that can be part of OnStar's upgraded features for 2006.
Awesome. Foolproof. Except when our hypothetical (or is it pathetical?) driver turned down the recorded directions option because he had the route down in his mind. And then 5 minutes and two turns later, Andrew is wondering...
A: [sounds of phone dialing] "Oh, hello, Jill, what was the name of that street again?...
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| Cute as a button, and as functional s saving your life as a an EMT at the scene of your accident |
Then another hypothetical situation may arise, maybe the next day, when you are looking for a Chevron to fill up your all-asphalt-terrain vehicle. **Boop!** OnStar is there again. Directions. Done. Nice.
And the features go on. For those not good at on-the-road automotive diagnostics and who do run into car problmems, you can hit the blue button, and OnStar will communicate with your vehicle's sensors to determine what, if anything, is wrong, and what the proper course of action might be. That could include you pulling over and OnStar sending someone from GM's roadside assistance service to help you out.
If you lock your keys in your car, you can call OnStar, give them your account number, and they will unlock your doors for you (this was done 124,000 times for OnStar customers in the first half of 2004 alone J ). Or they can turn off your lights if you are miles away and just remembered you didn't remember. Or you could be wandering all 10 floors of the last region of Disneyland, "Mystic Parking Lot Adventure Land," in search of your car. OnStar can flash your lights and honk your horn so you can find your car. Or if that giant cockroach from "Men In Black" is lurking around your car, and you don't have your keys on you, OnStar can employ the flashing lights technique to induce a seizure and immobilize the cockroach so your car remains intact.
And to top it all off, OnStar can help police track and recover your vehicle if it is stolen. Like if, for instance, that giant cockroach knows how to pick a lock?
All fun aside, this is a verifiably useful product. OnStar, which was started in 1995 as collaboration between General Motors, EDS, and Hughes Electronics Corporation, is not a have or die product. Except in the case where you're had a life threatening encounter with an off-road tree and there's nobody around for miles, then OnStar's accident alert system becomes necessary. It is overall very worth your money. All of the safety features, as well as GM's roadside assistance program, remote access and an online concierge, are part of the base package - Safe & Sound- which is $16.95 per month.
For luxury items, like being able to talk to a live body and get driving directions, or get help obtaining hotel accommodations, or have OnStar call you a cab if you are incapable of driving, you have to take a steep walk up to the Directions & Connections package for $34.95 a month.
Finally, for the ultimate luxury, you get a more specially trained on-the-phone concierge to help you connect with hotels, restaurants and entertainment services around the world. That'll set you back 70 bucks a month.
So for 200 bucks per year you can ensure that you will have somebody there to assist you if you get into an accident, especially if you really cannot help yourself. Or for those of us who have locked our keys in our car, and have had to not only wait half an our for a tow truck or locksmith but then fork over 25 bucks each time: with OnStar you get an immediate response. And depending on how good you are at remembering where your keys are, you might end up saving money over the course of a year or two.
Two hundred dollars for one year seems quite a reasonable amount for some extra piece of mind on the road, or in the parking lot. OnStar is a nice safety accessory, one which helps add direct human intelligence and contact to the electronic and mechanical safety devices your car has. It fills in some of the gaps in what your car can provide.
OnStar might just be the reasonably priced assistance that asks of you, "So would you like to swing on a star, carry moon beams home in a jar, and be better off than you are."
